Spinning Out Of Control Up The Hill

313 words written by dylan
Posted May 28, 2006 @ 12:45 AM
3 comments

Hi again. Life continues to spin in strange directions for me. The big news this week is that I was named Employee Of The Year for my unit. And not only did it shock me, it embarrassed me.

There was a period of my life years ago where I craved attention, demanded it. I ran for Student Council positions I had no chance of winning because I wanted me to notice me, acknowledge my existence in the Indian caste system of high school. In college I was always the one asking the questions, some insightful, but others mostly to get people to acknowledge me, say "Yes, I will accept your presence in this room and in this conversation."

As the years passed, though, I came to hate attention. I just wanted to be left alone. And the more techie I became, the more I just wanted private thank yous and general ignorance of my existence. I wanted the boss to acknowledge my work, not me. So, now, what should be a big pat on the back feels more like a big spotlight on me, not on what I do.

I don't think I'm that important to the unit. Honestly, they could fire me tomorrow, and I probably wouldn't care (other than the loss of income). But I will defend what I do, because I believe it's vital, and every future organizational plan in some way involves my work, even if the organization doesn't understand that fact.

So, yeah, I'm getting a lot of love at work right now. But I really don't want it. What I want is to be left alone, given carte blanche to experiment and reshape, and told that what I do is vital to the organization. That's what I want, although I certainly wouldn't complain about a pay raise, private office, and an all-expense paid trip to SxSW Interactive....

Comments

  1. Well, congrats anyway. :) I know what you mean, tho...but hopefully it will help you get better resources....

    Posted by: Elaine | May 28, 2006 09:29 AM

  2. I'm very proud of you, as I have been all of your life!

    And Annabel gets more precious with every photo...if that is possible!

    Posted by: Grandmother | May 29, 2006 07:27 AM

  3. And if they honor you
    Don't look back
    Like Dylan at the U-Dub...

    Posted by: Steve Casburn | May 31, 2006 06:26 AM